Yesterday New York Times columnist, Rich Sandomir wrote a column detailing the special “perks” that you would get if you plopped down 20 million dollars to become a minority owner ( with non-controlling interest) of the Mets. Some of these “perks” were run of the mill. Your 20 million would get you a luxury box along with a free parking pass, business cards with the word “owner” emblazoned under your name as well as ability to say that you are part owner of a professional baseball team in a major market.
Some of the “perks” are head scratching to say the least. You get access to Mr. Met , you get a discount on extra Mets tickets as well as the Mets team store. You also get to travel with the Mets on a select road trip (” Houston we have a problem!”) as well as having the honor of throwing out the first pitch with at least 80 other dignitaries of differing importance.
But I have been able to obtain a secret memo that Mr. Sandomir was not privy to. There are secret “perks” that will be offered to anyone who is able to pony up 20 million bucks for the right to be called a Mets minority owner.
These “perks” include:
1. Fred Wilpon will speak the lines from the movie ” Airplane” verbatim at your next family function !
2. You get to have a Mets Bathroom named after you !
3. Sandy Kofax will instantly become your childhood friend !
4. You get the secret BBQ sauce recipe from Blue Smoke
5. You get to load the Pepsi Party Patrol gun before the 7th inning !
6. You get to install your own brick at the Mets fan walk !
7. You get to raise the Apple if a home run is hit ( better start getting your upper body into shape) !
8. You get to have your picture taken with such famous Mets alumni as Bobby Bonilla, Vince Coleman and Oliver Perez !
9. Mr. Met will give you a mani/pedi !
AND LAST ON THE LIST
10. Mets trainer, Ray Ramirez will personally misdiagnose your medically related symptoms !
And with that said…. HERE COMES THE INFAMY !!!
The New York Mets signed free agent spot starter/middle reliever, Tom Filer on December 22, 1992.
The New York Mets signed free agent middle reliever, Mauro Gozzo on December 22, 1992. In his two seasons with the Mets, Gozzo went 3-6 withan E.R.A of 4.45 and one save.
The New York Mets signed free agent reserve infielder, Steve Springer on December 22, 1992.
The New York Mets signed free agent reserve outfielder, Wayne Housie on December 22, 1992.
The New York Mets traded outfielder, Carl Everett to the Houston Astros for middle reliever, John Hudek on December 22, 1997. Everett’s on field temper, coupled with some off the field family problems led to this trade.
The New York Mets signed free agent catcher, Ramon Castro of the Florida Marlins on December 22, 2004. Castro was a better than average reserve catcher – he could have been an everyday player in my book. But there were rumblings that he enjoyed being a back up.
The New York Mets signed free agent outfielder, Endy Chavez of the Philadelphia Phillies on December 22, 2005. Ten months later, Chavez would become a Mets folk hero by making “The Catch” !
The Milwaukee Brewers signed middle reliever, Sean Green of the New York Mets as a free agent on December 22, 2010. Mets fans everywhere took to the streets in celebration !
Mo Vaughn is not planning to put out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve . “NO ONE SCREWS WITH MO’S COOKIES !!!” The rotund Vaughn was overheard bellowing.
5 comments
Anonymous
12/22/2011-11:26am at 11:26 am (UTC -4)
I like 8 and 10.
Darknova306
12/22/2011-11:46am at 11:46 am (UTC -4)
Heh, nice list. If I got to have my picture taken with Ollie, they would have to guard him… I let the hate flow through me a little too much sometimes.
MetsFan4Decades
12/22/2011-2:55pm at 2:55 pm (UTC -4)
The more moves the Wilpons try to make to shake this laughingstock moniker the Mets have adopted over these past several years, the deeper the hole is they’re digging.
Sorry Fred, but I just don’t see anyway you’re able to hold onto this team, shed this circus like atmosphere you’ve created and raise it to a legitimate competitive team. It’s way past time to throw in the towel.
Anonymous
12/23/2011-3:00am at 3:00 am (UTC -4)
All this and the added benefit of now having Uncle Saul be the new embarassing uncle in your life that you shant speak of or acknowledge knowing of in and way, shape, or form.
Random thought: Just thought of a new invention to throw into the deal. The Art Howe reading light since you know how he lights up the room.
Rich S
12/25/2011-1:43pm at 1:43 pm (UTC -4)
Ed, number 10 made me LOL. Interesting that the Mets have been so active on 12/22 in years past, yet did squat this year.