From Clueless in Chappequa:  Who should really be the Mets' 1bman - Ike, Duda, Satin, Flores, or ????

DiJest:  Well Clueless, this is the reason Terry Collins is paid the big bucks.  Imagine how much time he must devote each day figuring out which guy can give him the 0-for-3 before the other guy comes in and hits a pinch-hit, walk-off, grand-slam homerun?   It's a daunting task.  I'm almost surprised that he doesn't just have the candidates do rock-paper-scissors before the game to determine the starter.  Of course, with the Mets' luck he'd probably have Ike and Luke thumb-wrestle for the gig and they'd both end up on the DL with dislocated thumbs.

 

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From Pandy Louis:  What's your opinion about UConn winning the National Championship?

DiJest:  Refresh my memory here.  What sport is that?

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From Heard it on the Grapevine:  Is it true that you and the Mrs. will be headed out to Denver and will take in a Mets game or two while the team is out there in early May?

DiJest:  Actually that is true.  When we realized that the flight to Denver plus hotel charges came to only slightly more than the tolls on the Whitestone Bridge we decided to give it a go.

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From Stephen Drew:  Why am I not a Met or at least on somebody's roster right now?

DiJest:  Ah Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.  Remember back to when Boston gave you the Qualifying Offer of $14 million but your superagent buddy Scott Boras convinced you that you'd get $45 mill for three years?  Good times.  Right?
Bet that QO sounds a lot better right about now.
I still think that if you and Scott came down to 2 years - $22 million and none of that opt-out crap that you could be a Metropolitan.

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From Ted Pontiff:  At what positions would you say the Mets are above average?

DiJest:  Thirdbase,  starting pitching (maybe), and broadcast booth.

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From DogLover:  Wasn't it cool seeing all the pooches in the ballpark the other day?

DiJest:  Yes but you don't know the whole story.  The Wilpons were out in the parking lot renting dogs out ($12.50 for a toy or miniature size, $16.50 for standards).   Plus it's been announced that dogs will also be welcome on Los Mets days as long as they're at least one half chihauhau.

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From Toots at the Shore:  What are you most looking forward to this season and what are you most dreading?

DiJest:  I suppose I am most looking forward to the emergence of some more minor league arms like those of Noah Syndegaard, Rafael Montero, and perhaps Jake DeGrom.  The two things I don't want to see but undoubtedly will are the daily Derek Jeter Is Retiring updates and the It's July, we're out of the pennant race again, who can we trade this time articles.

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From Adman Howard:  What do you think of the commercials SNY runs during the Mets' games?

DiJest:  I'm thrilled that the Mohegan Suns ad (or was it Foxwoods?) that they ran three or more times per game is not in the loop.  Thank goodness for small favors there.
And whenever they run that ad for Mets tickets - you know the one with the cute blonde and the sharp looking black guy - I always think to myself that if they'd only included a white dude with them then they'd have the Mod Squad.  

 

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From  SeriousLee:  Your DiJest articles never touched on the Daniel Murphy paternity leave issue.  Have you an opinion on that?

DiJest:  Of course I do.   As soon as Mike Francesa, the Rush Limbaugh of the sports talk radio world, comes down on one side of an issue I instinctively head for the other side.  One of my two daughters-in-law had to have a C-Section and I saw firsthand how much help she needed in her first couple of days.  Murph basically said to the world that his wife and baby boy come first, even before Mets baseball.  I have absolutely no problem with that.    Even if the Mets lose out on a playoff spot by one game that Murph might have been able to help win I still think he made the right call.  And we all know that the Mets aint getting that close to a playoff spot.

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From  Counselor JMS:   You really come down hard on Eric Young Jr.  What's your beef with him?

DiJest:  I sort of like it when major league players have major league skills.  IMHO EY's only major league skill is baserunning ability.  They can tout all they want his candidacy for a Gold Glove but I see a guy who plays deep and always takes a few steps in on every flyball or liner out to left.  He can't hit righties to save his life and while he may be half-decent against lefties it seems that that's when the manager opts to sit him.   As a backup outfielder and occasional secondbaseman I can live with him.  But ask him to do more and I expect you'll get less.

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From Stan in Suffolk:  What's going to be different about this year's pie in the face ceremonies?

DiJest:  I looked this up at Baseball Reference.com     Justin Turner:  bats-right, throws-right, pies-right.   Jonathan Niese: bats-left, throws-left, pies-left.

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Larry writes a humor column for us at The Real Dirty Mets Blog once or more per week. You can follow Larry on Twitter at https://twitter.com/@dr4sight   
There he comments on the teams that drive him crazy: the Mets, both NY football teams, the NY Rangers, and the Knicks.